jacky_knife (jacky_knife) wrote,


I admit, i'm really bad at relationships. When I was nineteen I fucked around like the sky was on fire. And than I thought to myself and took a real hard look in the mirror. So I settled down, I even asked a girl to marry me after dating a number of years. But little by little I began to lose that 'spark' (you know, that one where you can carry a conversation for more than five minutes.)

I was comfortable, I liked it. I gladly gave up the things that matter most to a 'twenty-something.' I.E. Drugs, Casual sex, movies that star; David Spade and Chris Farley. You get the point.

But what happens when noone wants to settle with you. Than what? I mean, i'm by no means a perfect guy. I just thought.. I just thought that maybe someone would want what I wanted.

Getting rejected hurt like a mother fucker. But laying it all out on the table than getting the 'big chill' is even worse.

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that I wish I didn't say or do the things I did, because I said it behind closed doors.. I never really mean anything, always so nonchalant. But this time I did and I got burned. That part of me that's 'selfish','vain','awkward','hopeless','desperate' and 'cowardly' got out, the something I could call my own. I gave myself and was ripped apart.

Anyways this is getting too dramatic I think I need a T.V. series to go on further with this.

Traveling around town now with this heavy-ass guitar and a pocket full of 'junk'. Wishing I could be sleeping right now.
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